It's mindboggling how fast our feelings change!

About 2 months ago, if you asked me what I wanted to do more than anything else, I wanted to be a Youtuber. Specifically, I wanted to be part of the Youtube maker community - these people who are building all these interesting things and uploading their creations on Youtube. I had an interest in woodworking and RC cars and I knew how to mod Nerf blasters and I was learning wood carving, and this maker tinkerer thing was already kind of my identity on Twitch anyway (although I had and still have very few viewers). That was what I was going to do. I was sure of it. 

And then we came out of lockdown and comedy was a possibility again. At first, I thought, well, I'll get back to comedy of course, but I wasn't emotionally invested in it. I was not sure if there was going to be an audience, I wasn't sure if I still knew how to do comedy, and I wasn't sure if I'd still enjoy it (because I was feeling kind of jaded before the pandemic), and I wasn't sure how I felt about the half-capacity seating requirement. Well, 2 mics and 1 show later, I'm hooked again. I messed up some jokes, but got some laughs. My rust plus my fears and doubts made me prepare for the shows, and that made me feel more in the groove than I had been for years. I found some new tags during rehearsals. I put more thought into preparing before a show. For the first time in years, I wasn't just coasting. I was doing comedy again. And now, this is what I want to do and I'm sure of it.

But I also know that comedy is going to take a lot of my time. And when I looked at my schedule, I don't think I want to be a Youtube maker anymore. Am I really that fickle? 2 months ago, I was so sure that was what I wanted. I had all these plans to build a workbench, and I tooling plate for the mill, and several other projects, but now, I just think about all the time and energy and money and headaches involved, I'm just overwhelmed by it all and I want to put all those plans on the backburner indefinitely, while I focus on comedy, which is also not easy but seems much more manageable. Maybe I'm just being lazy again.

I'm just amazed at how much things could change inside my head and my heart in such a short period of time and I wanted to document this.

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