The Live Button

A long time ago, when I was in university, I played an online game, I forgot what the name was but it was a MUD. Sometimes new players would come on and ask how to play the game and someone will give a snarky reply - just press the play button. I was always fascinated by this concept of a play button, because most games have tedious parts and sometimes, they are improved through updates by removing these tedious parts that players had to go through but if we removed all the tedious parts, maybe the game would be too simple and it would just be like a play button. You press the button and you're already playing the game and of course, that would be no fun at all.

Nowadays, I sometimes wonder if I don't actually like living and I just want to press a live button. I don't actually want to do anything. We just got back from a trip to Finland and Singapore and I don't really want to go anywhere after this, at least not for a long while. I don't want to organize any comedy shows. I don't even necessarily want to be in any comedy shows for awhile, at least until I've written some new jokes. I don't want to start a business. I don't want to do a podcast. I don't want to livestream. I don't want to meet anybody. I don't even want a career in comedy right now, with everything (good and bad) that it comes with. I pretty much don't want to do anything right now.

And I really don't know what it actually means. Does this mean I have lost the will to live? I don't even know if it is permanent or temporary. Is this just a phase. I hope it is. Or at least, I think I hope it is, or maybe I just feel like I should hope it is, because that's what I would have done a few years ago, when I was a younger man and still had dreams.

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