I'm proud of myself but I am the only one.

I can't believe it is Nov 28th already.
So the show on Nov 12 went super well. The crowd was just hungry on everything related to the elections and everyone killed it. I wrote 15 minutes of jokes in the last 2 days and I was actually happy with them. To be honest, I always felt like my topical jokes were just skimming the surface and never really made any observations about the larger social aspects of being Malaysian and this time, I feel like I was able to do that a little bit. So, I feel like the comedy leveled up a bit. I took a video and made some clips for socmed and they were well-received and now I have 100 new Tik Tok followers who think I talk politics all the time, which of course, I don't. I have learnt this in the past - you can only do this kind of comedy in Malaysia once every 5 years.

We managed to change the government... sorta. It's a unity government between PH, BN and GPS government, with PH having the most seats, therefore the most say? The cabinet hasn't been formed but Anwar is the Prime Minister now, which seems surreal. I don't think he's an angel, but I feel like any change is good. The previous people from BN and PN just have too much of a warlord mentality. At least Anwar is still sounding like a government servant. We'll see how long this lasts. My friend Rio from Singapore asked me if we "won", I told him I'll let him know in 5 years time.

Oh ya, I shot a video about me writing 15 minutes in 33 hours. I was stressed out by how little time there was left to write but I also wanted to document it, so it was weird spending all that time setting up the camera and tripod and shooting myself writing and talking into the camera. I'm 50% happy with the video although I kind of wish I reshot the ending/conclusion part before uploading it to Youtube. I was tempted to reshoot and reupload but I figure people have already seen it, so whatever I want to say in it, I'll save it for next time. Leave some ideas for future videos.

Meanwhile, on the personal front, I'm stressed out about family and work, as usual. I can't really talk about it too much except I think there is a 85% chance my brother and sister are going to fight again this week. I think if I were to draw a  graph, I'm about 40% stressed out about my brother and sister, 40% stressed out about money, and 20% stressed out about my kid's education and well-being. The percentages change. On Nov 11, I was 100% stressed out about comedy, just because I had a show the next day. It was a lot of stress but I felt like I at least knew how to deal with it. At least, I knew how to start. So I guess, I'm a comedian. It's the one area of my life I kinda know how to handle. Just write jokes and tell jokes. It's kinda easy if I don't overcomplicate it.

One thing I realised recently is I left my sister affect me too much. I don't think she realises how much power she has over me. A few months ago, we were in a meeting and I was a bit distracted and she said I looked tired and she said that if I'm tired, I have to make sure I focused my energy on family/company matters. And I didn't say anything to her, but in my head, I was thinking - I'll do whatever I want. She's got no right to tell me how to divide my time and energy. But, since then, I've felt guilty every time I spent any time on comedy. She got to me, even though I told myself, I wouldn't let her get to me. 

I'm still trying to be my own person and not let people affect me but it's not easy. One of my videos I put on Tik Tok, where I said it was fucked up that we still had political parties with race in the name got a lot of views but also a lot of negative comments. People were talking about unrelated stuff about Chinese people and chinese education and I KNOW that most of these are actually paid cybertroopers, or maybe butthurt BN and PN fangirls, so I know I shouldn't care. So I told myself I'm just going to have a policy of not responding to any of the comments, I'm just going to put up my work and people can discuss it among themselves and I'll stay completely out of it. BUT it was so hard! I really wanted to jump into the discussion and defend what I said. I didn't do it. I resisted. I'm proud of myself.