Cross section of a midlife crisis

Here's how I would describe my midlife crisis.

I feel like I have not done enough with my life. I'm not a doctor or an engineer or a scientist. I didn't build a business. I didn't invent anything. If I died tomorrow, I'd be pissed.

Whatever I want to do, I always feel like I won't have enough time or energy to do it. But I also don't want to completely give up on the idea of doing it. So I end up procrastinating. I always catch myself saying, "Not right now. I can't do this right now," and then I never start.

In order for me to start, I have to lower my expectations and talk myself into it. I have to say, "Just have a look at it. You don't have to finish it today. You don't even have to start today. You can start tomorrow. Just take a peep at it and maybe you can just get an idea of what you need to do tomorrow. Think of it as a small headstart for tomorrow." So I'm never actually "writing jokes" but I'm always "taking a look at my joke folder". It's much less intimidating.

But if you want to get good at something, you have to take it seriously. I know that. But I also know that I'm always feeling overwhelmed by things so in order for me to do them at all, I cannot take them seriously. I tell myself, it's just a hobby. I'm just dabbling. I'm a dabbler. And then I give myself imposter syndrome.

I think that's maybe why I like comedy. Like everything else, you need to take it seriously, but also, you kind of have to loosen up and let go a bit to see where the humor is. And that's also the danger of it, you can let it go too much and get sloppy. To be honest, I think I have gotten very sloppy in comedy.

I need to find the balance. So I can be serious. And then I can have fun.

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