I need to be happy

I felt really good about two weeks ago and the feeling's gone but I want to remind myself things are good.

I cleaned up my mancave. I sorted all my mail and filed all my bank statements. I shot and edited a video while we were in Lenggong. CNY party with friends is done and dusted.

I still struggle with the feeling of not having learnt and done enough with my life, but I also know if I die today, it's not so bad. My wife and kid has some money to last for awhile, and I gave the world some laughter.

Things I am glad about:
  • The mancave is finally clean! I always feel like it can be cleaner, but let's call this Phase 1 complete.
  • I sorted out all the mail. It's always been my weakness, but I finally got it sorted out and I am so proud of myself.
  • Uncle Sim Productions is registered. I can start earning money as a business which is what I should have done 20 years ago, but I am so proud of myself for finally taking this first step.
  • I shot and edited a video of our visit to Lenggong, Perak. Made some mistakes and learnt a lot. I feel like if I keep shooting one video every week like this, I can get good enough to get into some small scale video production.
  • I have all the equipment I need to shoot some Youtube content now. I could always do with a full frame camera, a shotgun mic, a better notebook computer, etc, and it never ends, but I have enough now. I just need to shoot, edit and learn. I watched a Youtube video of Potato Jet talking about how he doesn't have a full frame camera and this was just 3 years ago. Niklas Christl also started with an APS-C camera.
  • One more family dinner tonight and then CNY is pretty much done and dusted, and I can finally feel like the year has begun and I can focus.
Things giving me anxiety:
  • We're traveling again soon. Traveling always makes me anxious.
  • I promised myself I would be doing my 1-hour special in October
  • I still want to shoot my Youtube project and the thought of not knowing how to do it overwhelms me.
  • Work-related stress
  • My friend Jon Atherton died last week. It's slowly sinking in for me.
  • There's a good chance I don't know what the hell I am doing with Uncle Sim Productions
I think about 60% of my stress is related to this Mexico trip. I need to tell my family about it tonight and that's stressing me out. I need to travel with See Ming and she's always super intense about taking photos and grabbing seats and being ahead of other people and that stresses me out. I don't speak Spanish. That stresses me out a bit, although I'm generally pretty good with new languages. We might catch Covid and then end up being quarantined for 2 weeks and that stresses me out. I might need to rush back home in the middle of the trip because of a company emergency which leaves Max and See Ming to deal with each other and that stresses me out. The worldschooling conference is going to be super boring for me because I'm not a worldschooler and I don't really care about all the seminars on how to overcome the challenges of travelling full time, so I want to skip as much of the conference as possible but I'm not sure what See Ming has promised the organisers and that stresses me out. I want to make a video of our trip and that stresses me out. Lastly, I feel like the work I need to put in for the comedy hour is always starting and stopping, and I may not have time to think about comedy this whole trip and that stresses me out.

Even if everything I worry about turns out badly, I'll still be alive, so I have decided to be happy, no matter what. I need to be happy.

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