New blog, same me.

I have an open mic tonight. I'm only doing 4 minutes, so I will focus on some newish jokes. I'll probably try the new one about how people my age like to say "50 is the new 40" but then I turn around and hear younger people say, "Man, when you hit 40, your body really goes to shit!". Maybe I'll do the fart one, but that's kind of a tough one. I'll have to write it out and see if it sounds funny on paper. I can't see it working on stage right now. What else have I got? I wanna keep working out the Wish.com joke. It worked well the last time, so it can probably anchor the set. The accidental middle finger joke, maybe. It seems like it would be a crowd pleaser but it's also an easy joke to write so I have a feeling it's a joke that's been done a bunch of times.

I'm just clearing my brain here. I think this is how the first few blog entries are going to feel like. I've forgotten how to write and this is my attempt to get back into it. I promised myself this is not going to be five hundred words on how bad I am at writing, so let's move on.

I'm actually writing this on stream. Hi Rambo. Hi Purple. Hi SleepyJason. Hi jakeyflower, Hi Ridhima, Hi ftwyan. Thanks for dropping in. I guess I'm kind of scared of the loneliness of writing. It's kind of a double-edged sword. It's really liberating to be alone and be yourself and not feel like you're being watched and being judged. But on the other hand, I was kind of scared that I would just write one sentence and then go and eat a yogurt and never come back. So, I guess writing on stream kind of puts a little pressure on me to at least finish this. Whatever "this" is. I was also thinking now that I'm going back to writing, I might not have as much time to stream, so I thought why not try combining the two.

Last night, Tuck and I had a chat about gaming, streaming and comedy, after his first gaming stream on Twitch. But he was really focused on the game, or at least he seemed really focused on the game and didn't even see anything that was going on in chat. In his defense, there was nothing happening in chat. I came in and tried to get his attention but he didn't really see me until a half hour later. He said maybe game streaming wasn't for him. I know how it feels. I was streaming Starcraft2 and talking to chat as if there was somebody there for several streams. In hindsight, of course nobody would have come into the chat (apart from raids) because who would want to watch a random guy playing Starcraft 2? I wouldn't. Unless it was like LowkoTV or Harstem or Scarlett or someone else really good at the game, there really isn't any reason to watch a stranger game.

I think that for a long time, comedy was sort of my Thing. My one interest/passion/thing that I'm kind of known for. And then during the pandemic, I started streaming and now streaming has become my New Thing. And now, I feel like at some point, everything is going back to some form of semi-normal again and I will have to decide if I am going back to my old Thing or stick with my New Thing or if there is a way to do both. 

Anyway, there is a part of me that thinks (or wishes maybe) that some of these skills that I picked up during the pandemic can be incorporated to help me continue my pre-pandemic journey. Maybe I just don't want to feel like I wasted one year learning a new skill. There is a part of me that thinks streaming can be helpful for comedy if I could just find some way - some secret ingredient - that could combine the two. No luck so far and not for a lack of trying. About a half year ago, when I saw that Twitch had a category called Comedy Night, I was excited and thought, "Hey, I know how to do comedy. I kinda know how to stream. I'm gonna take over Twitch!"

And of course that didn't happen. I don't really see Twitch as a place to get famous, but I'm really happy with it. Twitch is a great place to hang out with friends. Even if 2 or 3 friends drop in on stream, or even 1 friend, it feels good.

Tuck made an interesting observation last night. He said that he felt a bit nervous game-streaming on Facebook. (He was multistreaming to FB, Youtube and Twitch). The reason was in his head. He felt like maybe his friends and family might judge him for how he spends his time. I totally understand this. I sometimes tell my wife not to post pictures on Facebook, especially when we are having dinner out together because I don't like everyone knowing where I'm at or where I've been. I feel like that information could be used against me in future family feuds sometimes. In fact, even writing here, I'm a little nervous because there's a chance someone might be watching or reading. Anyway, the conclusion or the solution I think he came up with is he will just game-stream on Twitch (where nobody knows him) and the new friends he makes on Twitch will understand the whole gaming for 3-consecutive-hours thing.

In the end, we all just want to be loved. Thanks for reading this.