Sam's Sanity Diary

I've been watching some clips of the Depp vs Heard trials in Virginia. Here are my thoughts. They're both really damaged people with a lot of issues and their relationship really brought out the worst in both of them. He is suing her for US$50 million for damages largely from loss of income because she defamed him (by saying he physically abused her, including sexual assault). They've probably both lied during the course of this trial. She claimed to be a victim of this alcoholic, drug using, violent man, but turns out she was also using drugs, and was physically abusive herself. He on the other hand, is at least verbally abusive, so he's no angel either. But remember she is not the plaintiff here. She doesn't have to prove that he abused her. He has to prove that she lied about him abusing her AND that this lie caused him to lose money. Both these things are hard to prove. The whole of Youtube is filled with videos with titles like "Amber Heard caught lying!...

Periods of my life when I remember being happy: 1. When I was a kid and navigating school. I was not athletic or popular, and I was basically just trying to fit in, but I had friends and although classes were mostly a drag, there were highlights like when a teacher was sick and we got the period off. After school, I'd try to finish my homework so when the cartoons come on in the late afternoon, I could kick back and watch some guilt free Flintstones. 2. When I was in college, after STPM, before university. I was young and confident and I was a bright student. Not always the most hardworking but I did what I needed to get good grades. I was learning a lot. And I was quite popular too. I hung out with the English speaking kids who came from international schools and also the Chinese educated kids. My girlfriend was super Chinese so I was speaking a lot of Cantonese back then. Later, she went to California and I went to Iowa and we broke up. 3. When I was in university in Iowa. Actual...

Here's how I would describe my midlife crisis. I feel like I have not done enough with my life. I'm not a doctor or an engineer or a scientist. I didn't build a business. I didn't invent anything. If I died tomorrow, I'd be pissed. Whatever I want to do, I always feel like I won't have enough time or energy to do it. But I also don't want to completely give up on the idea of doing it. So I end up procrastinating. I always catch myself saying, "Not right now. I can't do this right now," and then I never start. In order for me to start, I have to lower my expectations and talk myself into it. I have to say, "Just have a look at it. You don't have to finish it today. You don't even have to start today. You can start tomorrow. Just take a peep at it and maybe you can just get an idea of what you need to do tomorrow. Think of it as a small headstart for tomorrow." So I'm never actually "writing jokes" but I'm alwa...

I think I'm definitely depressed. Or at least something is wrong with me. I'm hanging in there. I just don't really feel like doing anything and to be honest, I'm not even sure I want to write this. All the things people think I like to do, I just tell them I still like doing because it's just easier. When people say, "Hey you're a comedian. It must be great doing what you love," and I would say "Yep! It's great!" But I'm going to be honest with you. If there was a show tonight, I'd have to drag myself to it. I just don't want to do anything right now. That's no way to live a life. I know that. And I know it's a privileged thought and I feel guilty even thinking about it. I would definitely never say it to anyone. What would be the point? I am glad I have this blog that nobody reads. If you're reading this, don't reach out to me. I'd just be embarassed and brush it off as nothing. But it's something. Th...

I used to believe that if you had the time to find the right words, you could make anything that is interesting to you interesting to other people too. I'm not talented or experienced or hardworking, but the fact that I held this belief has been enough to make me a decent communicator. To me, that is the secret sauce - the ability to hang on to the hope that somewhere, somehow, there is a way to get your difficult message through. Without it, you're just going to be swimming in the same shallow pool of ideas as everyone else. In recent years, my faith has been slipping a little. Lately, it always feels like there isn't enough time to write and nobody has the time to read or listen. I recently started making Tik Tok videos. I enjoy it tremendously, the same way I enjoy writing and performing stand-up comedy. They both teach me to keep my messages concise, which is a skill I'm still learning and I am grateful for that. However, they also have the unwelcome side effect of ...